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how to cook lunch in udaipur

http://www.shunya.net/Pictures/Rajasthan/Udaipur/UdaipurCity4.jpg 

  • Hook up w/ your boyz. (useful if yr boyees are local rickshaw mafia, so you just get to belt around in rickshaws puffin charras all day)
  • Fang in rickshaw, avoiding other rickshaws, cars, people, cows, and elephants, to ‘chiken shop’
  • select yr live chicken. The dude will cut off its head, and drop it in a 44 gallon drum to flail around for a while going ‘bonkbonkbonk’, after which he will skin, de-feet, and chop it into chunks faster than the eye can see, all for 240 rupees. Fresh!
  • Jump back in rickshaw and cheat death again on long ride across city to a building site (no shit).
  • give chicken to some kid, issue no apparent instructions, find a table and chairs lying around. Sit and drink kingfisher strong. Charras can also be introduced at this point if you are indian, otherwise, employ caution. That shit is potent.
  • After 45 minutes, enjoy your ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE BEST CHICKEN MASALA YOU EVER TASTED, which the aforementioned kid delivers to yr table, along with endless chapatis.
  • have sweet buzz.

right, I’m tryin to blast this one out cos otherwise I’m gonna miss my train so apologies for any tyipungh errorrs. Uh.. where was i? Oh yeah, Mumbai (bombay as the locals still call it), bollywood’s capital, london through a weird distorting mirror(if someone dumped a million tons of trash and shit on it), the indian city that never sleeps etc. This place is the most incredibly overcrowded bustling megametrolegolopolis (sp?) of the very rich and the very poor jammed together, a place where yesterday I saw an investment banker scraping human shit off his italian leather shoes. The buildings are all this kind of weird victorian (peculiarly indian) style of architecture- overly ornate, with stained glass and gargoyles, glass domes, and other architectural stuff I don’t know the names of, with statues of Kali and shiva and Ghandi, and ‘progress’ jammed all over (one indian architect to another in the dark: ’statue bro?’). I mean, check out the Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus railway station for fx sake. I love this city. I wana live here. Igotta go, I’ll add more bout mumbai later. catchn train to udaipur. laaaater!!

vege cutlet and chai

so, I’m in my hotel room at the ‘friendly apollo hotel (habby travels!)’ in Agra, lying on my bed under the blissful wash of the noisy a/c unit, listening to the cackling of the monkeys, and being watched by a large chameleon-looking gecko who is hangin out on the wall. It’s 2.30 in the afternoon, and the heat is crushing, but, surprisingly, not as unbearable as the humidity in Auckland. I arrived at Indira Ghandi international airport in delhi at 2a.m this morning (where the first thing one sees is a row of those clocks that show the time in london, paris, tokyo, etc, except that half of them had been stolen, or were smashed). Following some fairly harrowing adventures in the slums of Delhi, where I was cheerfully ripped off by a thoroughly organised and friendly bunch of standover guys, I procured a car and a brilliant buddhist driver, and set off undaunted, and surprisingly untired, on the three hour drive to agra as the dawn was rising through the smog.
So far India is simultaneously completely nuts, and full of kindness. There are 30 million people in Delhi, and they all seem to be out at 4am wandering around the streets. There are absolutely no road rules here, and cars, trucks, rickshaws, brightly decorated and overladen ramshackle trucks, bicycles, pedestrians, livestock and packs of dogs all weave around each other like bumper cars in a tremendously enjoyable ballet of chaos. The wrecks of various vehicles littering the sides of the roads, however, attest to the relative danger of road travel, although none of the vehicles seem to be able to go terribly fast. We stopped at a railway crossing, where an enterprising market had sprung up to service the halted traffic, and a pair of five-year-old beggars did an amazing acrobatic routine for me, to the beat of a paint-tin lid. Having no change, I gave them cigarettes, and they were stoked.
There are animals everywhere. This is one of the first things you notice, other than the permeating, ubiquitous, and surprisingly, not particularly unpleasant smell of shit. On my first day, I’ve seen wild dogs (the most common), monkeys (my faviourites, obviously, clambering along powerlines, hissing at you from rooftops, baiting the dogs), squirrels (very tame, but probably rabid), bats, cows, rats, mice, goats, camels, donkeys (we swerved around a dead one on the highway), huge crows (everywhere), and , soaring above it all, gigantic eagles. Outside the cities, the countryside is very beautiful, and hugely polluted, full of ramshackle structures, shanties, weird turreted temples, and basically just new crazy stuff to see everywhere you look.
Agra is hot and crowded and stinking, and looks like a completely over-dressed movie set. Just walking along the street attracts an entourage of smiling kids and adults all trying to sell you something. I went to the railway station to book my ticket to mumbai, and id was lively and brilliant. Indians all live squashed so closely together, they seem to have no concept of personal space, and they treat each other like siblings, pushing their neighbors out of the way, squabbling, and laughing at each other.
This place seems so desperately, fiercely alive, and at once, there’s an overload of everything. It makes where I come from seem so uptight and boring. I’m off to go wander around the taj mahal at sunset now. 24 hours on a train tomorrow!! woohoo!!
The culture shock is like tripping constantly.

the whole india type of buzz

Well, I’m leaving for india tomorrow. Hopefully I shall continue to update here on a semi-regular basis, not just with boring touristy bullshit, but actually with some kind of readable journalism. I am freakin out it’s gonna be so awesome and tough. phew. stay tuned.

wazzing on the radio

 

So, better late than never, this is a post containing a podcast of our totally amazing fleetfm radio show dating waay back to the 11th of the fifth (at the time, I thought it was going to be the last show-it was actually the penultimate one- (o.k. hold on, while I remember I just have to tangent here, and launch a parenthesis within parentheses. “penultimate”, is a word so commonly misused that it bugs the living SHIT out of me. For some reason people think that instead of meaning “second to last”, WHICH IT DOES,  that it means “super-ultimate”, or like,”uber-uber” which is so annoying cos it MAKES IT A REDUNDANT WORD FOR STARTERS, AND SECONDLY, YOU’RE WRONG!! Anyway, sorry, carry on) so it tends toward the mawkish and sentimental at times). You can stream it, or you can also download it to your exciting, modern digital storage and playback device (perhaps even your mobile telephone). You cannot hold it in your hands, however.

The probably incomplete playlist is as follows:

  • M.G.M.T- kids
  • The Beach boys- god only knows (which goes out to my Naz)
  • Elvis Aaron Presley- a little less conversation (emerging unscathed from it’s regrettable fling with a sports shoe company’s advertisements)
  • of Montreal- the pimps are simpering (these guys are just amazing, they manage to sound different and better on every new song of theirs that I hear)
  • the Kinks- apeman  “I’ll be your tarzan, you be my jane, I’ll keep you warm and you keep me sane, we’ll live in a tree and eat bananas all day…”
  • VOM!!- I’m in love with your mom
  • Ginuwine- PONY
  • Holy Fuck- Lovely Allen
  • The Smell Of Napalm News and weather, with you host Signore T-bor
  • The Velvet underground- I found a reason (goes out to Kathryn)
  • Ghostface Killah- Charlie Brown (It’s new and it rocks ass)
  • The Ink spots- If I didn’t care
  • Weezer- The greatest man that ever lived (taken from the forthcoming untitled album. I read someone somewhere  describing this track as the college radio Bohemian Rhapsody, and that doesn’t even begin to do it justice. Rivers Cuomo is a nerdy little genius. Speaking of which:)
  • M.C. chris- Wii’d
  • Brother Ali- Uncle sam god dammn
  • Mr Oizo- Z
  • The coasters- Down in Mexico
  • D.J. Earworm- over the confluence of giants (another monumental achievement)
  • Dizzee Rascal and U.G.K- where da G’z?
  • The White stripes- I’m finding it harder to be a gentleman                                                                         of montreal
  • Jonathon Richman- springtime in new york
  • M.IA.- paper planes (D.f.a. remix)
  • Jay-Z and R.Kelly- Pussy
  • Willie Nelson and George Jones- I gotta get drunk
  • Timbaland- the way I are (crookers rmx)
  • Eagles of death metal- Miss Alyssa
  • Steve Miller band- abracadabra
  • David Bowie- rebel rebel (soulwax edit)
  • Brother Ali- walking away
  •  AC/DC- RIDE ON

So, if any of these tracks really rock your world,  you wanna own them as seperate mp3’s, rather than seamlessly mixed together, and you’re a bit strapped for cash, you can always go to the hype machine and do a search for them (you’ll probably be in luck).  Otherwise, here’s the show!

 
icon for podpress  Standard Podcast: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Cheers everybody, I’m off to bed now.

in which I attempt to overcome my revulsion with EVERYTHING, and become a paparazzo

ok, so those of you that actually sat through ‘transformers’, Michael Bay’s epic reinvocation of the golden nostalgia surrounding certain late-twentysomething males’ 1980’s childhoods (and really, is this a flimsy premise to hang a 151-million-dollar blockbuster on? A plotless cartoon advertisement for a range of japanese toys? Is this the first time an entire film has been based on it’s on merchandise? It’s like “star-wars figures-the movie”..and here I apologise to all those tearful transformer geeks out there, but I just don’t get it. I’m slightly too old, and at the time I thought those toys were ugly, childish and badly made) (hang on, I think I was in the middle of a sentence here… uh?, oh yeah..), will probably have done so under the influence of Megan Fox, whose ‘acting abilities’ made a nice distraction from the hyperkinetic sugar-rush cgi apocalypse going on around her. Largely an unknown actress, Megan was obviously hired cos she’s hot, and that’s about it. So It’s either serendipity, or a shrewd move on the part of her publicist that these almost-naked paparazzi photos of her appeared on the internet this week ‘leaked’ from the set of her latest movie, a taut psychological thriller that..(actually I have no idea what the movie is, nor do I care). Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, I present Megan Fox, reminding us that she’s hot, and that she’s available for auditions. Admire her today, forget all about her the moment she slips off the radar tomorrow. They’re  fleeting and transient, our lives, and beauty fades.. like tears in the rain (this is what the world is really like. This is true currency right here. Some days it makes me wanna slash my wrists.) (and if you follow this link to the rest of this large set of naked Megan Fox (who?) photographs, remember they’re N.S.F.W.)

What the thor movie will be like

yes, that’s right. They are making one. see the proof here.

untitled drawing

by me

some links for your ass

carolee Schneemann- Hallucination II

  • check out my boys the vodafone warriors blog here cos it rules, and it streams music at you!! 
  • An interesting discussion of the Fermi paradox, and the possibilities surrounding why humanity has been unable to detect other intelligent lifeforms in our universe can be found here thanks to Warren Ellis..

  • Warren Ellis’ dead entertaining (if a bit corny) weekly steampunk webcomic freakangels has reached it’s twelfth episode. (man that’s a weird word, twelfth) 

  • um and thats all

paris has better street art than auckland

stolen from the wooster collective. xxx!!!

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