ghost writers in the sky

 Ok, so first up, Russel Crowe paid Nick Cave a whole bunch of money to write a script for a sequel to the epic, silly, Gladiator, and what he got back would have made the wildest hollywood sequel ever. It’s just totally berserk. Of course, the studio didn’t go for it, but you can read a synopsis of it here.

If jessica rabbit was a real woman (I would have sex with her*), created by a  photoshop wizard at pixeloo (follow link for more cartoon characters made flesh)

an addictive lego indiana jones web video game

A not so addictive iron man web video game

Frank Miller in talks to direct an adaptation of his own Hard Boiled.

so, uh, terminator II is real?

A bunch of new images and a review of indiana jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull hit the internets!

and furthermore, are we excited yet about the vast amount of totally nerdgasmic films headed our way in the next couple of months? no? then watch the trailers linked below to get up to speed.

• Indiana Jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull duh.
• Hellboy II- the golden army  omfg this really looks so FUCKING kewl!!
• The Dark Knight  yes please dead Heath Ledger
• Speed Racer The Wachowski brothers may just redeem themselves with this psychedelic brain-candy.
• Iron man ’Nuff said, true believers.
• The Incredible Hulk yes, they’ve got him looking angry enough.
• Wall-E Pixar could shit on a plate and it would be totally awesome
• Tropic Thunder Har! Robert Downey Jr is officially my favourite actor now.
• The Happening Hrm.. could be good? Kinda hate this guy’s movies. Guess it shouldn’t be on this list.
• hancock Looks (from the trailer) like it could be hilarious. I could be wrong here.
• Wanted adapted from a wukud Mark Millar comic book. Looks fantastic, although Angelina Jolie scares me. She’s kina like the real-life version of that Jessica Rabbit picture above. Her strong features mean her sexual appeal is equal to both women and men (which she consolidates by announcing as often as she can that she bones chicks as well as dudes). Her overwrought femme fatale beauty lulls you into a narcoleptic hot-chick trance, wherein you are unable to see clearly past the haze of infantile security generated by her huge boobs to notice that they’re attached to a weirdly ghoulish, anorexic frame with no ass at all. She smiles reassuringly at you through half-lidded bedroom eyes, and runs her long, sinuous tongue around her hyperinflated pout in a blatant allusion to greedy oral sex. Just as you’re about to slip between the silk sheets of mid-afternoon erotic daydreams with her, and allow her to do worryingly depraved things to you, possibly involving knives, the last vestige of your critical consciousness not given over to the anticipation of abandoned animalistic rutting, notices, , just before it slips beneath the waistband of your underwear…HER HAND….

 that is some freaky, veiny,  zombie-claw looking hand action. I thought Angelina was supposed to be all totally hot and stuff. This is not the hand of an airbrushed Hollywood sex-symbol. This is the hand of an evil demonic witch in disguise as a beautiful woman, a Brad-Pitt-castrating succubus. I guess her character in Beowulf really was the result of some inspired casting. The woman is exactly like a weird undead sex demon… which leads us tidily into, uh,  

Zombie Strippers What more could you ask for? How about a new George Romero zombie flick?

Ok, that’s all we’ve got time for, folks. Thanks, you’ve been great.

*It’s true, I totally have this strange attraction to strange-looking mutants and cripples. And there’s something about a woman on crutches that totally does it for me. I just wanna kick their crutches out from underneath them and then fuck them while they’re lying helplessly on the floor. I’m sorry. Really. I’m so sorry, It’s just the way I am.

casio :: Apr.21.2008 :: cool links, movies :: No Comments »

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